"Parking" the mind with meditation
In the Fall, as life settles back into routine after the fun chaos of summer, I find myself yearning to get back into a meditation practice.
People meditate in all kinds of ways. There are those who sit in full lotus position surrounded by sound bowls; they light candles, put on ethereal music, hold prayer beads, and sit for an hour. Some lie in bed and listen to guided meditations with Matthew McConaughey. Others walk the dog, knit, or even weed the garden for meditation.
All of these methods are great ways to relax our central nervous system, and doing so on a regular basis is what makes for a balanced life. We may reach a meditative state, but what does this actually mean?
From my studies, and from learning from teachers like Pema Chödrön and Joel and Michelle Levey, I’ve come to see meditation as this:
Meditation is the practice of discovering who you are at your deepest core self,
without a relationship to the mind.
Most of us are living fast-paced lives and are continuously flooded with information. We’re navigating work, kids, relationships, climate change, politics, eating well and exercising, all while trying to ensure we get enough sleep, too! For many of us, our minds are beyond busy and we may sometimes feel like we’re overwhelmed and drowning. Slowing — or parking — the mind is so valuable for our central nervous systems and for our ability to prioritize what is important.
What is the point of meditation?
I often get asked this very important question!
Our minds, as essential and capable as they are, can also sometimes cause problems. The mind is not comfortable with unknowing. Often when we don’t understand something, our mind helps us by drawing conclusions or making up a story. This story may empower us or keep us stuck.
This is where therapy and talking through things is highly beneficial for many of us. When our minds get into a jumbled mess, having a professional help us to see the bigger picture can be an invaluable service for our minds and central nervous systems. Meditation complements this professional help by giving us another tool we can use to support our health and well-being.
A comment we sometimes hear when someone is facing a dilemma is “I will meditate on it.” The irony of this statement is that if you’re meditating on an issue, then you’re not actually meditating. This is because the art of meditation is about separating from all thought and feeling — and the beauty of meditation is that, apart from making time for it, it requires no actual effort.
Letting wisdom come through
Meditation is to “know” nothing and yet still have the emergence of wisdom.
The mind has often been made synonymous with “the ego.” I’m not sure I would say they are interchangeable, but there is certainly overlap.
For many of us, our mind is the primary driver behind our decisions and reactions. It’s what is steering the ship. When someone or something obstructs our plans, a multitude of thoughts and feelings emerge and our mind reacts accordingly to reconcile things, such as adapting with stories and justifications. This is not a bad thing — in fact, it’s vital for survival! But what if our stories stop being true? What happens when we are stuck in a loop because the explanations we are using no longer serve us? We may feel frustrated, fall into depression, or retreat from society. In some cases, we may get sick or turn to addicting substances.
Imagine if we allowed wisdom to come through more than being driven by our minds? What if we parked our minds more frequently, allowing space for our truest self, our spirit, to emerge?
When this happens, we may notice we become less reliant on the stories and have a new awareness of how to deal with a tough situation. We may find we have less road rage, and are able to connect with people better and more meaningfully. We might sense or question what our body needs from us instead of blindly following what we are told on Instagram. We may realize we naturally choose to eat better without it being a chore and drink more water without forcing ourselves.
Essentially, we begin to have more “knowing” and may be more comfortable with the unknowing. We can relax into a complex problem because we trust that we have the wisdom to know what to do.
A simple technique for meditation
The simplest of meditation techniques requires nothing except to sit for 15 minutes twice weekly. It works to “park” the mind by focusing our attention on the breath. By observing the rhythmic nature of the breath, the mind can rest.
I find that meditating first thing in the morning is the most beneficial — before looking at my phone or emails, before talking to anyone, before my mind begins its busyness.
Here’s a basic structure to follow:
Upon rising in the morning, have a glass of room temperature water.
Do a few stretches or sun salutations.
If you can, practice in a location where you’re facing a window or some source of natural light. This is great for when you open your eyes at the end of the session.
Sit in a chair that supports your back and keeps you sitting mostly straight (you can use cushions to prop you up). You can sit cross-legged or with your feet on the floor. Sit comfortably, but not so comfortable that you doze off!
Your hands should rest comfortably in your lap.
Close your eyes and soften your face.
Focus your attention on the breath passing through your nostrils. If you have sinus congestion, simply breathe through your mouth and feel the air passing over your lips.
Sit as still as you can for 15–20 minutes.
If your mind wanders away, gently re-focus its attention to the small area of breath passing over your nostrils. Resist judging yourself when the mind wanders — that’s just what it does!
When we first start practicing this technique, we may find that our mind settles for only a few seconds in the 15-minute period. Inevitably, the mind will keep running off to think about emails we need to answer, ponder relationship issues, or plan out dinner. As soon as we think we have it, our mind wanders away again! This is the nature of the mind. In fact, I went to a lecture by a Buddhist nun who had done a year-long silent meditation retreat. She confessed that the longest her mind was truly still in that entire year of meditating every day was 30 seconds!
So what do you do when your mind wanders? Without getting angry at your mind, gently keep taking it by its hand and bringing it back to rest.
Meditation is a practice and like all practices, some days you will be “pleased” with your ability to park the mind while on other days, your mind will drive you around the bend! Just keep practicing and try not to be attached to describing or judging your meditation. Resist thoughts like, “Oh I had the worst meditation today! I could not get my mind to stop!”
Remember that the act of sitting down and doing the practice is the most important part.
Moving forward with meditation
If you find it easy to manage twice-weekly meditation, then of course try to do three or four days per week. Fall and winter are good times to delve deeper into this practice. The energetic nature of these seasons drive us to go inward and to conserve. During spring, you may find yourself wanting to be outside more and sitting less as this season motivates us to rise and move.
Summer is a time when our lives are naturally more social, fun, and buzzing with activity. During this season, your times of practice may be far and few between and that’s normal. The great thing about meditation is that it’s a practice you can always come back to at any time.
I've committed to meditating on Tuesdays and Thursdays from September until March. Who wants to join me? Which days did you choose and why? What are the biggest obstacles for you when it comes to meditation? Let me know how it goes in the comments below. I look forward to practicing with you!